Nothing Else Matters
by Celebcristien
Summary: Please, love. Let me go. I love you and nothing else matters.


**Title:** Nothing Else Matters  
**Author:** Celebcristien  
**Fandom:** CSI-MIAMI  
**Pairing:** Speed/Horatio  
**Summary**: "Please love, let me go. I love you. And nothing else matters."

**Disclaimer:** They don't belong to me and I didn't make any money by writing this. If they were mine... well Speed would be very much alive. I took the title from "Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica – obviously that doesn't belong to me, either.  
**Spoilers:** "Lost Son" – mostly AU after that (I completely ignore Ryan, Calleigh and Eric have a relationship... or at least had one until that fateful day...)

**Warning:** Unfortunately this time Speed stays dead.  
**2nd Warning:** Attention – Tissue alert. (According to my beta, anyways)

**Author's Note:** Usually I ignore all events that happened after "Lost Son" and just live in my happy little bubble... but this plot bunny had very, very sharp teeth and kept torturing me until I sat down in front of my pc and wrote this down.  
**2nd Author's Note:** English is not my first language, German is. My beta did the best she could; all remaining mistakes are mine and mine alone.

**Songs listened to while writing:**  
"I don't want to miss a thing" by Aerosmith  
"Bridge over troubled water" by Elvis Presley  
"Only Time" by Enya  
"My Immortal" by Evanescence  
"More than words" by Extreme  
"Careless Whisper" and "Jesus to a child" by George Michael  
"November Rain" and "Knocking on heavens door" by Guns 'n Roses  
"Jessie" by Joshua Kadison  
"To be with you" by Mr. Big  
**"Nothing else matters" by Metallica  
**"Because of you" and "Problem with love is" by Kelly Clarkson  
"My guitar lies bleeding in my arms" by Bon Jovi

This is my first CSI-MIAMI fic and I seriously hope I didn't make them too OOC. I'd appreciate any and all reviews telling me what I could make better.

**NOTHING ELSE MATTERS  
_by Celebcristien_**

_**So close no matter how far  
couldn't be much more from the heart  
forever trust in who you are  
and nothing else matters **_

**_Never opened myself this way  
life is ours – we live it our way  
all these words I long to say  
and nothing else matters_**

_**Trust I seek and I find in you  
every day for something new  
open mind for a different view  
and nothing else matters**_

_**Never cared for what they do  
never cared for what they know  
but I know**_

_**So close no matter how far  
couldn't be much more from the heart  
forever trust in who you are  
and nothing else matters **_

_**Never cared for what they do  
never cared for what they know  
but I know**_

_**I never opened myself this way  
life is ours – we live it our way  
all these words I long to say  
and nothing else matters**_

_**Trust I seek and I find in you  
every day for something new  
open mind for a different view  
and nothing else matters**_

_**Never cared for what they say  
never cared for what they pray  
never cared for what they do  
never cared for what they know  
and I know, yeah**_

_**"Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica**_

It had been two months, tree days and about ten hours since his life had ended. Since one single bullet robbed him of all that was important to him, of all that held him together when life tried to rip him apart.

Two months, three days, ten hours since Speed had died in his arms, his usually gentle and sparkling eyes dull and full of pain, the soft lips he had tasted so many times twisted in a silent scream of agony.

He had come here every morning before shift started... to cry and to mourn the man he had been planning on spending his life with. To silently yell at fate and all the gods that cared to listen to his pained accusations, to his pleas and curses. And to lay blame. On himself. Every night he woke of nightmares, dreams of what he could have changed... could have changed if he had only paid attention.

Winding his way trough the many headstones to the one he really wanted to get to was a task he could have excelled in deeply asleep. He knew every turn, every stone, every leaf... he came here too often not to.

_"It'll be okay."_

He'd said these words so often trying to soothe victims, console parents, husbands, wives, lovers, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters... said them so often he doesn't know how to believe them himself anymore. It never gets better.

"Hey, Speed." Having finally reached his destination he dropped down on the grass in front of the headstone that had his lovers name on it, for once not caring about appearances. "It's me again, love."

He smiled while a single tear rolled down his cheek. "Alexx says hi, as do Eric and Calleigh. We miss you so much..." he trailed of, voice breaking on sobs chocked back.

Swallowing hard he continued. "The lab's been slipping into chaos since you left. Eric and Calleigh... they broke up two days ago... Calleigh transferred to night shift. The new guy... well lets say he's just not you." He had to stop again while pained sobs threatened to take his body hostage and never let go.

Hearing a twig break behind him he started and turned around to take a look at his surroundings. Hastily wiping away the tears that had broken trough his tight restraints he got up and scanned the cemetery but could only see a few mourners far away in the distance. Nobody was here except himself.

Again he heard footsteps, the rustling of dry leave, soft breaths.

"Who's there?" he called out, listening for a sound... anything that could confirm he wasn't slowly going insane.

"MDPD! Who's there?" he repeated.

But the soft sound of wind whooshing through the branches of the nearby trees was all he got for an answer.

Shaking his head and assuming his tired nerves were just pulling tricks on him he shrugged and turned back around, planning to sit down again and spend the rest of the time before his shift started in the company of the man he loved.

He got his wish... and a near coronary on top of that when turned around to come face to face with one Timothy Speedle.

"Wha-" he nearly yelled, clutching at his shirt just above where his heart now beat again after skipping a beat or two... or four.

"Hey."

"Don't you HEY me, dammit! You shouldn't be here... you're dead, didn't you get the memo?" What had begun as a tirade quickly dissolved into sobs and chocked off whispers. "You're dead. You're dead... you can't be here... you're dead..." he repeated over and over, falling to his knees, rocking back and forth.

"I know." Was the only answer he got as Speed slowly crouched down next to him, not touching, only quietly observing. His heart broke at watching his devastated lover try to come to grips with what was going on around him.

"Then why are you here?" Horatio finally had the courage to raise his head, searching for those beautiful brown eyes he hadn't seen for such a long time.

"I don't really know. I don't know how I got here or how much time has passed since I died in your arms. I just know that the sound of your voice was all I could hear... through the darkness and the pain your beautiful voice pulled me towards you."

Speed moved down onto his knees, reaching out to gently caress his lover's face, wiping away the tears, old and new. Horatio moved into the touch he hadn't felt for so long, savouring the feeling.

"What are you? A ghost?" Horatio whispered with his eyes still closed, not wanting to open them, full of fear that this was only a dream.

"No. Though I still have some unfinished business," Horatio opened his eyes to meet his lovers, Speeds amused tone startling him. "That's not why I'm here. I came to tell you that you have to move on... Now don't get that look. You know I know what that look means." he continued at seeing Horatio's frown.

"We both know I'm not able to come back to you, as much as I want to. And I know that somewhere out there there's someone..." Speed had to swallow as tears tried to suffocate him. "... someone that'll be able to love you just the way I'll always love you. Someone that you might one day come to love too." He closed his eyes, head dropping to his chest while he fought against the pain these thoughts evoked. When he spoke again his voice sounded hoarse and rough with tears.

"You have to move on and you have to help Eric, Calleigh and Alexx move on. I heard you telling me how everything is starting to break apart. You can't let that happen. " He took Horatio's face in his hands and forced him to look into his eyes. He was startled at the pain and devastation he saw there and once again his heart broke for the man he loved and had left behind. "You can't let that happen... or everything you once loved will be destroyed... I can't let that happen. I don't want to be responsible for the loss of all your careers, your families, your..." he broke off, sobs now shaking his body.

"Please, baby... you have to help them forget me, to move on. I love you all so much and it pains me to see you all break... Please, baby!"

By the time he'd finished they were clinging to each other, sobbing. "Please, love. Let me go." Speed whispered over and over while stroking his lovers back, soothing him until the tears finally ebbed away.

"I don't think I'm able to." Horatio murmured softly, trying to move closer into Speeds embrace, trying to memorize this mans body a final time.

"I know, love, I know." Speed answered, keeping up his stroking until he felt Horatio succumb to an exhausted sleep. "I know... but you have to." he whispered while gently moving Horatio down onto the soft grass. He kept stroking his hair, memorizing the feel of it, trying to burn his picture into his mind.

Leaning down he brushed his lips over Horatio's forehead, his closed eyes, followed the tracks Horatio's tears had left in their wake and finally lingered on his lips for a long moment. His last words lingered in the air for a long time after he faded from view, his eyes never leaving his sleeping lovers face.

"Please love, let me go. I love you. And nothing else matters."

**THE END**


End file.
